September 28, 2014 marks six (6) months since Kris' passing.  Alot has happened in my life since then - some tidal waves, some peaceful thoughtful moments, good times with family and friends, and trying to figure out who I am and what life looks like from here.  It is all good.

The memorial service for Kris in Ness City, Kansas was wonderful and healing.   Kris' son, brother, sister and their spouses were there.  We had good food, lots of beer, went shark's teeth hunting, had the placement of ashes at the cemetary, and the memorial at his tree stand out in the country.  A huge thank you to my brothers and their wives for their continued hospitality and beautiful country settings - the two places that Kris loved so much.

The tree stand is along the creek's edge and is in an incredible tree - which was struck by lightening a few days before the service.... marking a perfect arrow to where the stones and momentos were placed.  There was a 21-gun salute in Kris' honor at the top of the ridge and completed with Taps being played while the Kansas wind blew softly and the day was drawing to a close.  It was perfect!!!

Thanks to all the family who traveled far to attend and pay respects, to share stories with laughter and love and to all those who helped make the weekend so incredible.   All is well.....

 

 

Returned late Monday the 21st from being home in Kansas after my Dad's unexpected and complicated gallbladder surgery - 10 days away, think that's the longest I have been away from this home.  Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, Dad is finally as of yesterday starting to improve.  Our family calls him the Miracle Medical Man having faced so many health issues in his life and he always seems to bounce back and that's saying a lot for a man who is 86.  Was able to spend some quality time with my brothers, went to Hutchinson for two days to see my Mom and sister and little niece (sorry I wasn't there long enough to visit other family,, next time), had some great visits with family and friends and of course my Dad.  Abby and Kate did better than I expected, except for eating a steady diet of cat poop! :(  You have to leash your dogs but there are 100 wild cats roaming around and doing what cats do.. anyway.  One funny comment - I knew I was back in Western Kansas when I passed a house with the owner driving his camo 4-wheeler with an old rusted metal bed spring attached to the back of it using it as a rake.  Okay, two funnies.. one day I noticed several of the lawns were a fake green, when I asked I received two answers - (1) it is a fertilizer, or (2) they painted their grass (maybe that wasn't funny, just interesting).

I did a lot of thinking while alone in my Mom's second house with no TV, no radio, no CD player, no internet; Kris seemed to be there with me many times as he loved Kansas but wasn't sure about moving there.  I have to say that evenings were so peaceful and quiet, no cars, just peaceful and the most beautiful sunsets I have ever seen; the Indians called this 'the dying time of day' and that is what it felt like - this quiet floating.  And the mornings (before the wind started whipping around) were just as lovely, the air so clean and fresh,, reminded me of the smell of sweet grass... maybe you would just call it 'home'.

There have been several 'firsts' without Kris thus far - going to church, the traditional stop in Wakeeney heading to Ness and having a beer, first Easter, first time returning home without him meeting me at the door, first spring mowing extravaganza, first meal at one of his favorite restaurants, Old Chicago - ended up getting it to go (there must be some truth to the crying in your beer phrase), and the one first I have been putting off and that is going to the grocery store (I could write a book on that one).  

As I sit here blabbering, I have decided it's probably time to write my last blog for Kris' warrior journey has ended and the Dance of the Mad Tango only has one dancer now,,,  will start journaling on my own again - writing about the rest of the 'firsts', see what God has in store for my life, and start putting one step in front of the other.  It won't be so bad, I have someone watching over me :)

Since I started with a dance, I will end it here with words from Jackson Browne's For A Dancer:

I don't know what happens when people die
Can't seem to grasp it as hard as I try
It's like a song playing right in my ear
That I can't sing, and I can't help listening

Just do the steps that you've been shown
By everyone you've ever known
Until the dance becomes your very own
No matter how close to yours anothers' steps have grown
In the end there is one dance you'll do alone

Thank you with FULL HEART for following Kris and I on this journey, I don't know if it helped anyone but me; but maybe one day someone else wandering through this crap disease will find something to hang on to, if nothing else - that people want to help and more than anything, you will find yourself closer to God than ever before.   Thank you for your thoughts, prayers, encouragement, and love... you will never know how much it has meant.  Thank you Trudy for setting this blog up for us.

Please stay in touch - debbiegravenstein@aol.com

Support your local Alzheimer's chapter.   

Spending alot of time outside, feels good.  I will not be writing for a week or so - my dear Dad is in the hospital again and hasn't eaten for several days, they will do tests today and keep IV going for nourishment.   I will be driving out tomorrow (Friday), taking the dogs with me which will be an interesting journey for them,, okay, and me.    Until I return, may God cover you with His grace and peace be yours. 

I had a little altar of sorts, Abby kept going over and just sitting there so sweetly - like she knew; she does know she misses Kris. 

Yesterday was a tough day for some reason - think it must have been that I never left the house, nor did I ever get out of my pjs.  As I was talking to Kris late in the afternoon, I heard him say he was outside not in the house, so when I stepped out on the deck I felt much relief somewhere inside.  
Not much going on besides taking care of taxes and all the government red-tape.  Thank you all again for the wonderful outpouring of notes, calls, and cards of love and encouragement.... Kris would be amazed and honored that he touched to many lives. 

The memorial service for Kris was beautiful.  Pastor Steve Wilson and Paul Gilbert presented words of tribute and honor,, and of knowing that Kris is living a new life with our Father - whole and healthy and at peace.   A heartfelt thank you to everyone who made this day so special, for all the help, the food, flowers, visits, cards, and love.  And thanks to all who attended, Kris would have been honored by it all.  

Friday was spent with family and friends.  They all left for home on Saturday, which left a very quiet house.  However, I must say our dogs Abby and Kate seemed much relieved to be able to have the run of the house again and my somewhat undivided attention.  The afternoon was spent rearranging furniture, looking at photos, and remembering.  I still feel that this is all so surreal/unreal/real and mystical in a sense.   I will probably be placing poems, prayers, and promises on the blog... seems to be part of my journey of healing.  Thank you Jan for sending this poem.  Gives some light to the dark times:

Somewhere a journey begins

At the end of the worldly existence we know.

Somewhere a path stretches over the stars,

And rivers of memories flow...

Somewhere a silence is heard far away

And the brightness of day fills the night,

Where the trials of life are resolved into peace --

When a soul finds its way to His light.

Kris Gravenstein, 63, of Greeley passed away March 28, 2014 at McKee Hospice Care from complications of dementia.  He was born to Donald and Rosemary (Darst) Gravenstein in Waverly, Iowa on May 3, 1950. 

Kris graduated from Northglenn High School in 1968.  At 6’10”, Kris was an incredible athlete, excelling in basketball and receiving numerous honors  including:  three times Denver Prep Player of the Week, All Conference, and held the Skyline League rebounding record for 13 years.  Immediately after graduation he proudly enlisted in the Army stationed in Germany and volunteering for service in Vietnam, based at Phu Loi with the 520th Transportation Battalion.  Following his military service, Kris attended Northeastern Jr. College in Sterling, Colorado where he played basketball receiving the Junior College All American Honorable Mention award plus many offers from numerous colleges and professional teams.  He shared many victories and happy times with teammates and his brother, Art; those stories could fill a book!   He then attended the University of Wyoming.  Kris retired from Qwest after 30 years of service in 1996 and made many lifetime friends during those years. The loyalty of his friends sustained him during his life and he often said how blessed he was to have so many great memories and friendships.  His greatest passion was hunting.  He was an avid traditional archer and spent many memorable days in the mountains of Colorado and the plains of Kansas hunting and enjoying company of loved ones.  His quiet and gentle spirit combined with kindness is what everyone will remember when they think of Kris.  He lived the life of a warrior having survived cancer then walking through the journey of dementia – his shield was made of bravery, strength, and faith.  Kris and Debbie were married in 2000 and shared a world full of adventures and love during their life together, including their affection for the pets that kept them entertained and comforted over the years. Kris took his responsibilities as a father very seriously and spent many hours with his son Ryan hiking, going to Jamboree events every summer, and included him in hunting trips when possible; those father-son activities became a strong bond for them.  He is survived by his wife, Debbie (Bain) Gravenstein of Greeley; his son Ryan Gravenstein of Fort Collins; one brother, Art Gravenstein of Virginia City, Nevada; one sister, Katrisha Randolph of Thornton, Colorado – their spouses and families; and extended family and friends. He is preceded in death by this mother and father.

A memorial service will be held at the Greeley Wesleyan Church, 3600 W. 22nd Street, on Friday, April 4th at 10:00 a.m., with a reception following at the church. Private burial at Olinger Highland Cemetery in Thornton. A Celebration of Life on September 15th, the first day of archery season, in Ness City, Kansas.

Memorial contributions may be made to: Fort Collins Archery Association,  P.O. Box 270493, Fort Collins, CO 80527-0493 or Northern Colorado Alzheimer’s Association, 415 Peterson Street, Fort Collins, CO 80524.

 

 

My apologies to all of you who received an email of the service plans - an email that contained a trail of email notes to one of our friends... sorry.