Returned late Monday the 21st from being home in Kansas after my Dad's unexpected and complicated gallbladder surgery - 10 days away, think that's the longest I have been away from this home.  Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, Dad is finally as of yesterday starting to improve.  Our family calls him the Miracle Medical Man having faced so many health issues in his life and he always seems to bounce back and that's saying a lot for a man who is 86.  Was able to spend some quality time with my brothers, went to Hutchinson for two days to see my Mom and sister and little niece (sorry I wasn't there long enough to visit other family,, next time), had some great visits with family and friends and of course my Dad.  Abby and Kate did better than I expected, except for eating a steady diet of cat poop! :(  You have to leash your dogs but there are 100 wild cats roaming around and doing what cats do.. anyway.  One funny comment - I knew I was back in Western Kansas when I passed a house with the owner driving his camo 4-wheeler with an old rusted metal bed spring attached to the back of it using it as a rake.  Okay, two funnies.. one day I noticed several of the lawns were a fake green, when I asked I received two answers - (1) it is a fertilizer, or (2) they painted their grass (maybe that wasn't funny, just interesting).

I did a lot of thinking while alone in my Mom's second house with no TV, no radio, no CD player, no internet; Kris seemed to be there with me many times as he loved Kansas but wasn't sure about moving there.  I have to say that evenings were so peaceful and quiet, no cars, just peaceful and the most beautiful sunsets I have ever seen; the Indians called this 'the dying time of day' and that is what it felt like - this quiet floating.  And the mornings (before the wind started whipping around) were just as lovely, the air so clean and fresh,, reminded me of the smell of sweet grass... maybe you would just call it 'home'.

There have been several 'firsts' without Kris thus far - going to church, the traditional stop in Wakeeney heading to Ness and having a beer, first Easter, first time returning home without him meeting me at the door, first spring mowing extravaganza, first meal at one of his favorite restaurants, Old Chicago - ended up getting it to go (there must be some truth to the crying in your beer phrase), and the one first I have been putting off and that is going to the grocery store (I could write a book on that one).  

As I sit here blabbering, I have decided it's probably time to write my last blog for Kris' warrior journey has ended and the Dance of the Mad Tango only has one dancer now,,,  will start journaling on my own again - writing about the rest of the 'firsts', see what God has in store for my life, and start putting one step in front of the other.  It won't be so bad, I have someone watching over me :)

Since I started with a dance, I will end it here with words from Jackson Browne's For A Dancer:

I don't know what happens when people die
Can't seem to grasp it as hard as I try
It's like a song playing right in my ear
That I can't sing, and I can't help listening

Just do the steps that you've been shown
By everyone you've ever known
Until the dance becomes your very own
No matter how close to yours anothers' steps have grown
In the end there is one dance you'll do alone

Thank you with FULL HEART for following Kris and I on this journey, I don't know if it helped anyone but me; but maybe one day someone else wandering through this crap disease will find something to hang on to, if nothing else - that people want to help and more than anything, you will find yourself closer to God than ever before.   Thank you for your thoughts, prayers, encouragement, and love... you will never know how much it has meant.  Thank you Trudy for setting this blog up for us.

Please stay in touch - debbiegravenstein@aol.com

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