September 28, 2014 marks six (6) months since Kris' passing.  Alot has happened in my life since then - some tidal waves, some peaceful thoughtful moments, good times with family and friends, and trying to figure out who I am and what life looks like from here.  It is all good.

The memorial service for Kris in Ness City, Kansas was wonderful and healing.   Kris' son, brother, sister and their spouses were there.  We had good food, lots of beer, went shark's teeth hunting, had the placement of ashes at the cemetary, and the memorial at his tree stand out in the country.  A huge thank you to my brothers and their wives for their continued hospitality and beautiful country settings - the two places that Kris loved so much.

The tree stand is along the creek's edge and is in an incredible tree - which was struck by lightening a few days before the service.... marking a perfect arrow to where the stones and momentos were placed.  There was a 21-gun salute in Kris' honor at the top of the ridge and completed with Taps being played while the Kansas wind blew softly and the day was drawing to a close.  It was perfect!!!

Thanks to all the family who traveled far to attend and pay respects, to share stories with laughter and love and to all those who helped make the weekend so incredible.   All is well.....

 

 

Returned late Monday the 21st from being home in Kansas after my Dad's unexpected and complicated gallbladder surgery - 10 days away, think that's the longest I have been away from this home.  Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, Dad is finally as of yesterday starting to improve.  Our family calls him the Miracle Medical Man having faced so many health issues in his life and he always seems to bounce back and that's saying a lot for a man who is 86.  Was able to spend some quality time with my brothers, went to Hutchinson for two days to see my Mom and sister and little niece (sorry I wasn't there long enough to visit other family,, next time), had some great visits with family and friends and of course my Dad.  Abby and Kate did better than I expected, except for eating a steady diet of cat poop! :(  You have to leash your dogs but there are 100 wild cats roaming around and doing what cats do.. anyway.  One funny comment - I knew I was back in Western Kansas when I passed a house with the owner driving his camo 4-wheeler with an old rusted metal bed spring attached to the back of it using it as a rake.  Okay, two funnies.. one day I noticed several of the lawns were a fake green, when I asked I received two answers - (1) it is a fertilizer, or (2) they painted their grass (maybe that wasn't funny, just interesting).

I did a lot of thinking while alone in my Mom's second house with no TV, no radio, no CD player, no internet; Kris seemed to be there with me many times as he loved Kansas but wasn't sure about moving there.  I have to say that evenings were so peaceful and quiet, no cars, just peaceful and the most beautiful sunsets I have ever seen; the Indians called this 'the dying time of day' and that is what it felt like - this quiet floating.  And the mornings (before the wind started whipping around) were just as lovely, the air so clean and fresh,, reminded me of the smell of sweet grass... maybe you would just call it 'home'.

There have been several 'firsts' without Kris thus far - going to church, the traditional stop in Wakeeney heading to Ness and having a beer, first Easter, first time returning home without him meeting me at the door, first spring mowing extravaganza, first meal at one of his favorite restaurants, Old Chicago - ended up getting it to go (there must be some truth to the crying in your beer phrase), and the one first I have been putting off and that is going to the grocery store (I could write a book on that one).  

As I sit here blabbering, I have decided it's probably time to write my last blog for Kris' warrior journey has ended and the Dance of the Mad Tango only has one dancer now,,,  will start journaling on my own again - writing about the rest of the 'firsts', see what God has in store for my life, and start putting one step in front of the other.  It won't be so bad, I have someone watching over me :)

Since I started with a dance, I will end it here with words from Jackson Browne's For A Dancer:

I don't know what happens when people die
Can't seem to grasp it as hard as I try
It's like a song playing right in my ear
That I can't sing, and I can't help listening

Just do the steps that you've been shown
By everyone you've ever known
Until the dance becomes your very own
No matter how close to yours anothers' steps have grown
In the end there is one dance you'll do alone

Thank you with FULL HEART for following Kris and I on this journey, I don't know if it helped anyone but me; but maybe one day someone else wandering through this crap disease will find something to hang on to, if nothing else - that people want to help and more than anything, you will find yourself closer to God than ever before.   Thank you for your thoughts, prayers, encouragement, and love... you will never know how much it has meant.  Thank you Trudy for setting this blog up for us.

Please stay in touch - debbiegravenstein@aol.com

Support your local Alzheimer's chapter.   

Spending alot of time outside, feels good.  I will not be writing for a week or so - my dear Dad is in the hospital again and hasn't eaten for several days, they will do tests today and keep IV going for nourishment.   I will be driving out tomorrow (Friday), taking the dogs with me which will be an interesting journey for them,, okay, and me.    Until I return, may God cover you with His grace and peace be yours. 

I had a little altar of sorts, Abby kept going over and just sitting there so sweetly - like she knew; she does know she misses Kris. 

Yesterday was a tough day for some reason - think it must have been that I never left the house, nor did I ever get out of my pjs.  As I was talking to Kris late in the afternoon, I heard him say he was outside not in the house, so when I stepped out on the deck I felt much relief somewhere inside.  
Not much going on besides taking care of taxes and all the government red-tape.  Thank you all again for the wonderful outpouring of notes, calls, and cards of love and encouragement.... Kris would be amazed and honored that he touched to many lives. 

The memorial service for Kris was beautiful.  Pastor Steve Wilson and Paul Gilbert presented words of tribute and honor,, and of knowing that Kris is living a new life with our Father - whole and healthy and at peace.   A heartfelt thank you to everyone who made this day so special, for all the help, the food, flowers, visits, cards, and love.  And thanks to all who attended, Kris would have been honored by it all.  

Friday was spent with family and friends.  They all left for home on Saturday, which left a very quiet house.  However, I must say our dogs Abby and Kate seemed much relieved to be able to have the run of the house again and my somewhat undivided attention.  The afternoon was spent rearranging furniture, looking at photos, and remembering.  I still feel that this is all so surreal/unreal/real and mystical in a sense.   I will probably be placing poems, prayers, and promises on the blog... seems to be part of my journey of healing.  Thank you Jan for sending this poem.  Gives some light to the dark times:

Somewhere a journey begins

At the end of the worldly existence we know.

Somewhere a path stretches over the stars,

And rivers of memories flow...

Somewhere a silence is heard far away

And the brightness of day fills the night,

Where the trials of life are resolved into peace --

When a soul finds its way to His light.

Kris Gravenstein, 63, of Greeley passed away March 28, 2014 at McKee Hospice Care from complications of dementia.  He was born to Donald and Rosemary (Darst) Gravenstein in Waverly, Iowa on May 3, 1950. 

Kris graduated from Northglenn High School in 1968.  At 6’10”, Kris was an incredible athlete, excelling in basketball and receiving numerous honors  including:  three times Denver Prep Player of the Week, All Conference, and held the Skyline League rebounding record for 13 years.  Immediately after graduation he proudly enlisted in the Army stationed in Germany and volunteering for service in Vietnam, based at Phu Loi with the 520th Transportation Battalion.  Following his military service, Kris attended Northeastern Jr. College in Sterling, Colorado where he played basketball receiving the Junior College All American Honorable Mention award plus many offers from numerous colleges and professional teams.  He shared many victories and happy times with teammates and his brother, Art; those stories could fill a book!   He then attended the University of Wyoming.  Kris retired from Qwest after 30 years of service in 1996 and made many lifetime friends during those years. The loyalty of his friends sustained him during his life and he often said how blessed he was to have so many great memories and friendships.  His greatest passion was hunting.  He was an avid traditional archer and spent many memorable days in the mountains of Colorado and the plains of Kansas hunting and enjoying company of loved ones.  His quiet and gentle spirit combined with kindness is what everyone will remember when they think of Kris.  He lived the life of a warrior having survived cancer then walking through the journey of dementia – his shield was made of bravery, strength, and faith.  Kris and Debbie were married in 2000 and shared a world full of adventures and love during their life together, including their affection for the pets that kept them entertained and comforted over the years. Kris took his responsibilities as a father very seriously and spent many hours with his son Ryan hiking, going to Jamboree events every summer, and included him in hunting trips when possible; those father-son activities became a strong bond for them.  He is survived by his wife, Debbie (Bain) Gravenstein of Greeley; his son Ryan Gravenstein of Fort Collins; one brother, Art Gravenstein of Virginia City, Nevada; one sister, Katrisha Randolph of Thornton, Colorado – their spouses and families; and extended family and friends. He is preceded in death by this mother and father.

A memorial service will be held at the Greeley Wesleyan Church, 3600 W. 22nd Street, on Friday, April 4th at 10:00 a.m., with a reception following at the church. Private burial at Olinger Highland Cemetery in Thornton. A Celebration of Life on September 15th, the first day of archery season, in Ness City, Kansas.

Memorial contributions may be made to: Fort Collins Archery Association,  P.O. Box 270493, Fort Collins, CO 80527-0493 or Northern Colorado Alzheimer’s Association, 415 Peterson Street, Fort Collins, CO 80524.

 

 

My apologies to all of you who received an email of the service plans - an email that contained a trail of email notes to one of our friends... sorry. 

Memorial Service:

Friday, April 4, 2014 at l0:00 a.m.

Greeley Wesleyan Church
3600 West 22nd Street
Greeley, Colorado

Reception to follow.

The wind continues its journey, as we all do.  I did have a wonderful surprise this morning... some of you may question my sanity, but if you knew Kris at all you will smile.  Beside the mailbox I put a promise of faith sign again the lilac bush.  This morning as I was getting the trash cans out I see this can laying there and go to pick it up,,, but after looking more closely, I see it was placed there as a tribute from someone who knew Kris - a Bud Lite can!  Made me smile and I know it made Kris smile too. 

Day 3 or 3,000?  Have had so many wonderful friends and neighbors coming by to offer condolences, phone calls, cards, food, and always love.  I thought I was doing very well, but last night the tsunami wave hit me from the back.... with faith and love, I made it through and this morning as I lay in bed not wanting to face the day, I heard Kris' voice "get a grip!  get up and clean or something,,, move."  So I did, have been cleaning house all day... couldn't get all the appliances moved out so came up with a great idea of using the leaf blower... well, you picture it (Kris would be rolling his eyes). :|   My friend says "don't think about it", others say "stay busy",,, all is good advice.  I just know it will take a long time to heal, but the good news is, I know I will.

I will meet with Greeley Wesleyan tomorrow to make final arrangements and will post as soon as plans are confirmed - tentatively looking at Friday, maybe 1:00.    Thank you ALL for your love and encouragement, support, sweet stories of Kris, and thoughts and prayers, and precious photos.  It still seems surreal, but there are times like that in our life.   Please pray for my cousins and families as they mourn the passing of their loved one, Marjorie Laas.  I know too where Aunt Marj is and can see her loving husband waiting with open arms.  Also pray for my father, Don Bain, who was hospitalized last night.  Everyone is fighting a battle or storm, no one is exempt... so pray for one another. 

The wind will never feel the same,,, and that's a good thing.  Blessings.

P.S.  I think I know what made me sleepy.  Since I didn't finish buying Kris the beer at Taco Bell, i poured a small drink of his favorite toddy - Johnny Walker Black with a splash of water,,, I took a sip, made a face, and offered the rest to his memory.

You are welcome to share any memories you may have of Kris on the comments section.  Service plans will be posted when confirmed. 

Had to write more.. on a personal note, on the healing side of things.  This is Day 1 without my friend, husband and partner... all and more.  I promise i won't go on day in and day out, but this day is special, this day will always be a 'marker' for my heart.

Ryan was able to come up and say goodbye to his Dad (thank you Becky for being taxi to Ryan); his best friend Augie came by; and one of his friends from Qwest who has been bringing baked goods almost every day for our sustenance - she also helped carry out my things AND brought supper over this evening.  I wanted to take this day to just walk through, not thinking or feeling too much, just getting through.  We had many neighbors stop by, phone calls of friends and family, even a delicous meal delivered which even though I thought I was not hungry, cleaned my plate (thank you Pam). 

I wandered through the house, petting Abby and Katie as they too seemed so sad.  Finally, I got an urge of awakeness and realized I needed to get Kris' tags on his truck done before the first :} I hurried to "the truck" knowing that Kris was probably wringing his hands in worry :|   I entered one of his prized possessions - his 1999 Ford F250 pickup to start it, no start, battery needs charged, call AAA for charge.  I say to Kris "you did this, didn't you?"  Next to the emission testings - the radio keeps coming on and off,, I say to Kris "if you are doing this to warn me about how I am driving... I promise not to drive fast, run over the curbs or park to close to anyone else".

(note: my friend called and asked why i wasn't finishing sentences... i noticed there were phrases in there I had not written, hopefully if anyone is able to change the writing on my blog - that you do not.  Thank you.)

Kris passed away on wings of eagles this morning around 8:50 a.m.  Just as I was warned, 'he may leave when you are not there'.. through all of this I tried so very hard to be there day and night. Even though I knew the changes were coming faster and the nurses said not to go far, as soon as I left the room to get an orange juice, he took his last breath.  Part of me was broken hearted as I knew how much I would miss him and part of me was relieved for him - for me.  He was now is God's arms, made whole. 

So dear friends and family I hope you will be okay with my meanderings on this day - March 28, 2014.  I am only writing to honor Kris and his journey... and for my somewhat well-being... if not, turn the page.

Three spiritual events happened this morning - one powerful, one humorous, and one faith confirming.

Powerful - at 4:00 a.m. the nurse Mary (the first one there when we arrived) and CNA came in to turn Kris and check his status which was changing rapidly.  I always left the room as I couldn't stand to watch him being moved, although please know that the McKee Hospice Center and staff are the best in the world in my books... anyway, I took my blanket and went to the family room to sleep on the couch until they were finished.  I was sitting there for a moment and this feeling entered my body, it was real and it was magneticallly strong... i believe it was the strength of the Holy Spirit telling me I would need to be strong and that energy or Holy Spirit was within me.   Thank you God!

Humorous - at 5:30 a.m. the nurse and CNA came in to give Kris a bed bath and check his status... I was sleeping SO hard they actually had to wake me!  I said, "oh no, we were at Taco Bell and I was getting ready to order Kris a beer!"   We all laughed and yet it was so real - one of the last things he asked for was a beer... well, contrary to the song, I hope in heaven there is beer!

Faith Confirming - during the entire tribulation of the last 10 days, I would often read from the Bible to Kris or quote the few scriptures that I knew and loved, one being Isaiah 40:28-31... in my own inadeaquate words I would tell Kris that he would fly home on the wings of eagles, run and not grow weary, walk and not be faint.  At the end of this long wide hallway looking to the east, there is a window that is from ceiling to floor and gives a wonderful look at two small lakes surrounded by trees and the morning sun.... i was standing there talking to the nurse and turned to look outside.... an eagle soaring so peacefully on the soft winds of morning, just lazily floating and gliding... I knew then that Kris had made it home.   A sigh of release came from deep within.

Preparation - last night I lay my head closely to Kris, holding his hand as was the nightly ceremony and this vision or thought came to mind:

The bells began to toll, it was the beginning of a celebration in the streets of gold,
"He is coming, he is coming home", the angels cried.

The gate opened and he stepped in to our Father's waiting arms,
"Welcome home child, I am so proud of you, I am so glad you are home." 
"You are now made whole, your soul restored, now walk with the angels in joy and celebration."

.... and he was at peace and smiled for he knew where he was, he was finally home.

Thank you for your constant and continued thoughts and prayers.  I believe you all were lifting him up and helping him on this journey on wings of eagles... You all are a blessing!

Day Nine (9), Kris is still holding on; physical changes are taking place but his heart remains strong.  I don't know what else to say except it is difficult to watch on this side of dying.  Again, I believe he is somewhere peaceful just waiting for the right moment.  For the first time in two days, I stepped outside to find a lovely early spring day - it was the gentlee wind that caught my attention.  Kris loves the wind (and he's not even from Kansas :),,, I thought maybe today the wind will carry him home.

Thank you as always for your thoughts and prayers.

Not much change, Kris continues his journey in sedated sleep.  Changes are occuring, changes i pray he is unaware of... I hope he is going through all the wonderful memories he made in life, visiting with his loved ones and friends... kind of like a good-bye party.   The days are long but seem to pass quickly in some surreal way.  I guess our stay at McKee Hospice is a little longer than most, but can't hurry dying, it comes when the time is right when God knows it is right.  I have made some new friends with families of others going through this journey - we will always be connected in that spiritual way.  Well, am home to shower and play with Abby & Kate,,, will return in an hour.

One thing I read this morning was a little clip saying something like "Saying good-bye is the hardest things to do.  The only thing harder is never having said the word."  I was saying everything I felt in my heart, all the letting go things, all the thoughts I felt about death and dying promised in the Bible,,, but I forgot to say good-bye.  We had that hard conversation this morning - well, hard for me.  I swear Kris started breathing a little softer, I know I was.

Eighty-one (81) steps from the elevator to Kris' room.  I count them every time I walk to and from.  The hallway is wide and straight so I started closing my eyes thinking that if I could walk the whole length without opening my eyes, I had trust defined.  I always seemed to have to steal a tiny little peak to make sure I was not going to run into the wall or something stupid.  Trust.....

They say that the most important thing during this process is to let your loved one know it is okay 'to let go', that you and your family will miss them but you all will be okay and that they are free to break the earthly chains and be released to our Heavenly Father, that HE is holding Kris -- I trusted that and I believe that.  I said it all, I meant it all... but, I kept holding on to his hand and once again wanted to make things better - even in dying.  I learned this morning that I might be making it harder for Kris to go home by holding on to the sadness of not even having his hand to hold.   I learned that is not love... so I have let go and I believe that it is going to be easier for Kris now. 

As of today, Kris has been 8 days without nourishment.  He is still what they call 'resting comfortably' - guess I will trust their insight into the process of dying with dignity.  Well, I cannot explain it all nor do you want to know.  They do say that even though sedated he can hear our voices and feel our touch.... that is what I/we spend time doing talking and touching.  He has had his son at his side, family here each day, friends from his work, neighbors, classmates, clergy, and combined friends... all of whom have touched our hearts.   A person never realizes the caring and love of others until something devastating like this happens.  People bring in baked goods, chocolate, snacks, books and magazines, run errands, pick up my sister, call with encouragement and prayers, and stay to visit a little longer than they want but know what it means to just be present... but most of all they come bringing their love and memories of Kris and support for me.  If he can hear each of these voices, he indeed will pass into God's hands knowing he was loved.

 I trust that this is all so... and i walked 81 steps tonight with my eyes closed.

Will stay in touch when I can.... but in the meantime--Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers and encouragement and support.  Thank you for your love that comes in so many ways.  Pray that Kris' journey home will be soon, will be peaceful, and swift.

Kris has begun his journey home.  Without nourishment and fluids for several days his body was beginning to shut down although he was present until they began the pain med.  The last few minutes he held out his hands when he saw me and smiled and he actually pulled me to him and held me for a minute.  I could still feel that he was fearful but weary and ready for peace.  He called for his brother and they talked and then sleep came.  They will keep him comfortable  with as little movement/agitation as possible.  They say he can hear our voices and feel our touch,,, so that is what I/we can do for him and stay with him. He was always fearful of being alone.  The caregivers at McKee Hospice are wonderful and gentle and caring.  His family is with him now, Ryan will be there later, and friends coming by.  Please continue prayers for Kris' journey home, for my strength to be brave and strong like he is.  He is at McKee Medical Center, Hospice Unit, 3rd floor, rm 355 - welcome to come by anytime. even without your visits or calls we know that you are all praying and that you love both of us.. or you wouldn't be reading this.  'You will fly on the wings of eagles, run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint.' 

Short update - Kris is going on day 4 without much nourishment or water or by-mouth meds.  He had a very difficult day off and on and last night was pure hell for him.  We med he was finally able to fall asleep about 7 a.m. and is still sleeping.  They will be transferring Kris to McKee Hospital - Pallative and Hospice Unit in Loveland today at noon and keep him sedated for the transfer.  We are all hoping that with some much needed sleep the pain will subside as well as the agitation and he can find some comfort.  Thank you all for your love, support, prayers, and encouragement....

Short update as I am home to change and back to hospital.  Kris has had up and down days - he paces all day never resting and by afternoon has worked himself into agitation and aggressive behavior; the meds help him sleep at night.  He actually has been eating pretty good - not full meals but keep fruit and treats and nuts out for him and he grabs some as he passes.  His brother Art and sister Trish were up Saturday and they had a great visit, one of the meds relaxes him (not to the point of non-pacing) but he was actually able to be silly with Art, laugh, and smile his beautiful smile.. with lots of hugs. 

Yesterday (Sunday) was not a good day, as I was home hoping to shower and sleep, they called and said Kris had fallen and asked me to return.  He was agitated and lost balance, hitting the back of his head, a big bump and bruise on his back, etc.  With every hard fall with a hit to the head, he declines even more.  He was unable to pace unless someone was holding him, which then agitated him; finally they gave him something to sleep and then dr felt for his own safety he had to stay in bed :| .. not good for Kris or anyone caring for him.  The one-on-one CNA/Nurses in the room have been awesome, especially the young men which Kris really enjoys and when not, they are very sweet with him but strong.  THe doctors can't seem to find any meds that help control the pain and yet keep him up. They believe a pallative care approach for Kris is needed - meaning to keep him comfortable and control the pain first and foremost - will meet with everyone today, including the hospice team to help when Kris is dismissed to wherever he will be dismissed to.  Will try to write more later - I know you are all praying for Kris (and I), I ask you continue to pray for Kris' peace and God's will.  He has suffered and continues suffering more than any warrior should have to bear. 

He still recognizes loved ones but it comes and goes.  His son Ryan was able to visit yesterday - I think it must have been very hard to see his Dad is this condition but he sat lovingly with him.